2013년 6월 2일 일요일

Toefl Essay #2: Global Union!

In the 21st century, there are many ongoing changes within the society, such as development of science technologies, growing populations, changes in several ecosystems and other many factors are the cause for such changes. In the past, there were also many changes within a society. For instance, there were two world wars in 20th century and industrial revolution in the 19th century. In this century, I insist that 21st will become an era where each society is hugely dependent on other parts of the globe. This is because increasing number of people is becoming aware of social issues around the globe, and because many countries have to solve environmental problems by cooperation.

To begin with, each society will become more dependent on each other since many people get to know the various social issues. Advancement of technology greatly impacted this. According to a research, one billion people are already online and this figure is expected to double within a decade or so. There are also 2.5 billion using cellphones and the number of people using smartphones is rapidly increasing. Due to this, many incidents such as coups in Africa are quickly delivered to many people across the world as people upload the news on Facebook or other social network services. Moreover, as aero technologies have been developed, more nations can watch over other countries through satellites. As social events are quickly spread through quickly developing social networking systems, many people will be more aware of what is happening around the globe.

Moreover, many countries have to be dependent on each other because of the growing attention on environmental problems. There are many factors that commit to this, such as the rapid depletion of fossil fuels, expensive cost for developing renewable energies and the Brazilian government trying to destroy the crucial Amazon forest. Therefore, many countries are holding treaties on developing renewable energies and co-researching on technologies which are beneficial to the future of earth. Not only that, but also many countries are holding treaties for the safety of their nation, mainly because environmental problems effects worldwide. For instance, when there was nuclear accident in Japan, it even affected the western part of America. To sum up, many countries are holding increasing number of treaties, such as economical funding or protecting their nation. Thus, it is reasonable to argue that many countries are becoming more dependent on each other in environmental issues.


To conclude, the 21st century led the globe to be more dependent with each other. This is because many people have become more aware of the social issues, and because there are growing consideration with environmental issues, which is a global problem. As technologies are undergoing rapid development, and as more and more people realize the seriousness of the environmental problems these days, I strongly believe that Earth would become extremely connected.

5 개의 댓글:

Hi, i'm Jaewan Park, and I'd like to comment on your essay :)

I liked how you focused upon dependency. It might have been better if you'd openly stated DEPENDENCY as your keyword, or perhaps COOPERATION. Anyways, it was an interesting read.

That being said, I wasn't sure if what you were talking about was relevant to CHANGE in the current society. Your topic sentences stated "(society/countries) have to~." Rather than discuss change, your essay was about what humanity NEEDS TO DO in order to SOLVE THE CURRENT PROBLEMs.

I thought your essay could have been much more interesting with an EXAMPLE in which you demonstrated how the "Dependency" was applied in the status quo.
http://www.policymic.com/articles/10642/twitter-revolution-how-the-arab-spring-was-helped-by-social-media

Hello, I'm Seungjun Lee from your class.

To comment on your essay, it was good to see that your essay was focusing on the basic point about the dependency among nations, pretty much creating a little global village due to technological development.
However, I believe that the increase in dependency is nothing new in the 21th century. Lots of treaties related to environment had been held during the 20th centuries such as the Tokyo treaty.

Overall, it was a nicely written essay, and it was an honor to read ur 'peace' of writing

I totally agree with your idea. Increment of the dependency between nations is one of the most important keywords of this century, in my opinion. This represents the growing potential of globalization, and I want to assert that it's accelerated and will be accelerated more by technologies.

HI Minsuks♥
This is Juice from your class!
I personally agree with your idea which is increment of the dependency. Also, I think your essay is really good because I can understand your essay.
Moreover, your structure of this essay is better than other friends essay so that I could understand your topic and opinions.
Thank you and see you tomorrow!

I really like your essay. The reason why I like your one is that while the others only mention about the technology, you just mention about the change of social part. I
Actually your structure and organization is quite good and I like your world selection

Thank you

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